“Praise God and Pass the Guillotine”: Screw the Coronation
The New Zealand media loves itself some monarchy at the moment. I can’t even have my car radio on without periodic bouts of inane natter. It’s all a bit pathetic, and unlike the Queen’s death in September, we don’t even have a special public holiday to make up for it.
And unlike the Queen’s death – which even gave a knee-jerk republican like myself cause for thinking about her sheer longevity – the sight of Charlie and his expensive bling just turns the stomach. I’m not even hostile to Charles as a person. He’s not evil like his father or his brother, and I have a grudging respect for Camilla. It’s just that the lavish luxury in the face of a cost-of-living crisis (a crisis afflicting both New Zealand and Britain) evokes the ugliness of the class system like little else.
An air-conditioned coronation carriage with electric windows? That doesn’t even have the out-of-time charm like the Stone of Scone, or other bits of customary Gormenghastery (anointing oil!). No, here it’s just unalloyed privilege. It’s the sort of thing that screams an out-of-touch aristocracy, after the manner of Marie Antoinette and her falsified quote about cake. Time to wheel out the guillotine.
The other unpleasantness to come out of the coronation is that nonsense about a public loyalty oath. Which quite apart from its North Korean overtones, really shoves the feudalism in your face. It’s one thing for Charles to be the old duffer on the coins (and I’m rather looking forward to the coinage changeover, to see the design). It’s quite another for some inbred prat a world away to assert his status as Your Lord and Master, as though the pink-coloured maps of yester-year are still current.
Screw that. At this point, it’s not about appealing to “progress” – frankly, we’ve been socially regressing for years, and I’m familiar enough with history to know that it does not actually bend the way some people seem to think. It’s about appealing to basic human decency. Or in this case, pointing out the implicit lack thereof. While the rich old man is getting adorned with fancy head-gear, just think of all the homeless and the hungry. The people who die of heart-attacks because underfunded health services can’t cope. There’s symbolism there, and it ain’t pretty.
A Phuulish Fellow 
The best bit was when various dotty objects were presented to the King.
Bracelets of Sincerity and Wisdom — Lord Kamall, for the Muslims
Robe Royal — Baroness Merron, for the Jews
Sovereign’s Ring — Lord Patel, for the Hindus
Glove of Authority — Lord Singh, for the Sikhs
Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch — Dan, for the socialists
Sorry I made the last one up. The others are in the Order of Service
Click to access The%20Coronation%20Order%20of%20Service.pdf
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If it’s any consolation, Charlie doesn’t look like he will be king much longer.
Of course, that also means another gauche coronation within the next few years, since I don’t expect the UK to come to its senses and excise the bloated appendix that is the monarchy anytime soon.
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