The Fall of Gil-the-Fad: A Parody

Funny how these things come back to you. In the run-up to the release of Peter Jackson’s Fellowship of the Ring (2001), I composed my first online attempt at Tolkien Parody. Dear god… eighteen years ago. I was still in my teens.

But with the money being thrown around Fantasy these days, especially with the Amazon TV show in the works, I think it’s worth wheeling this one out for posterity.


The Fall of Gil-the-Fad

Gil-galad was at Burger King

Where cash registers gladly sing:

Buy a burger and get him free

Along with Durin and Finwe.

The queues were long, consumers keen,

The neon lights afar were seen;

The sword and spear that he could wield

Went nicely with his plastic shield.

But tie-in products had their day:

For poor Gil-galad none would pay

And onto scrap heaps fell his star

In skip bins where the Spice Girls are.


It was 2001, remember, in case you didn’t notice via the Spice Girls reference (I also did a variant where the last line was “in bins where Teletubbies are,” but I think the above version flows better). And, yes, I still thought Finwe was pronounced Finwee, rather than Fin-way. It’s not the end of the world.

2 thoughts on “The Fall of Gil-the-Fad: A Parody

  1. Apologies, but I hope the point will be made. PS Sorry about the rugby (not). Oh and the cricket

    After Paul Simon

    Take a ride, Stride
    Get back to school, Phuul
    Study to scan, Dan

    The explanation’s simple as these lines will show again
    You have to count the stresses as they tumble off your pen

    This means you, Timaru
    Best head in, Dun-e-din
    Way to go, O-tag-o

    For it was in this great south land that Jackson lit the fires
    But did he know they fuelled Clytemnestra’s dark desires?
    The beacons brought the news to her that Ilium was done
    As you can read in Aeschylus’s Aga-mem-e-non


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